At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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