very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize