Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
