I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
