i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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