Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
