I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
my liver is dry heaving
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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