Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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