everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
