screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
