She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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