I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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