He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
