Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
