Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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