apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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