did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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