i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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