I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
