went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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