She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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