i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
