i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
