i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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