6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
