omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
