thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
