Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
