when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love you.
Bad choice
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