Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
