so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize