Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
