i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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