Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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