i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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