After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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