Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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