I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
