Bisexual people are plain selfish.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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