JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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