Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
