I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
