my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
