i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
