you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
