i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
