You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
