dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
