think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
