..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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