if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
