so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
