My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
