I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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