What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
