wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
