I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
