So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
