she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
