just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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