Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
