I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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