allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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