i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
