So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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