Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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