It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
