So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
