R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
