dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize