...so i touched it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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