Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
