Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
