I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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