i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
