I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
