if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
