roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
