whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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