I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
