thus making me awesome and them whores
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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