It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
