Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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