We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dicks are not precious.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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