Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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