You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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