I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
