My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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