Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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