he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
