I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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