i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
