Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
