is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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