last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
