oh god the rape fog is back!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
