i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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