If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
