she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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