rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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