Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize