i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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