He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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