You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
