she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
