so that wasnt chicken after all
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just invented taco cereal.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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