whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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