honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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