Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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