You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
