me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
