i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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