he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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