i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize