no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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