Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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