you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
