i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize