if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
