She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
