I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
